ELEVATE: Day 7

This weekend was the Elevate orientation retreat, and it was incredible.  First, though, I'd like to back up to Thursday..

The last hour of class we spent in worship, and I was having a really hard time focusing. I basically sat crossed legged on the ground with my eyes closed, waiting for 10:00 to roll around. After the last song ended, I stood up to leave. Shoan, the Elevate director, tapped me on the shoulder and told me he had a word from the Lord for me. He then asked me to sit back on the ground, exactly as I had been sitting before. When I did, he sat directly across from me, crossed legged, and scooted himself all the way up to me until our knees were touching. Now, this is only minutes after worship ended, so there are still 40 people walking around the room, gathering their things to leave. I wasn't creeped out, so much as I was a little embarrassed. He apologized for how awkward this was, but said this is what God had told him to do. Shoan said that while I was sitting on the ground during worship, he had seen a picture of the Lord sitting directly in front of me, looking right at my face. Then he said the Lord wanted to tell me I was beautiful, valuable and worthy. It didn't mean a whole lot at first until I remembered that during my quiet time that morning I had asked God to tell me what he thought of me. I hadn't heard anything, and so I told God I would keep asking him until I heard. Once I remembered this, I started crying. I continued crying for almost thirty minutes as Shoan sat across from me, telling me things the Lord was saying about me. I was beautiful, stunning. I made His heart skip a beat. He liked to be around me, to watch me. He was pursuing me, romancing me. It was pure. It wasn't dirty or tainted, the way the world loves and pursues people. I didn't need to strive, didn't need to perform or do anything special. I was worth it. He would have done it all again just for me. Over and over and over, for 30 minutes. When there was a few moments of silence, I asked 'Is it bad that I don't believe it?'  Shoan smiled and said "No, it just makes Jesus sad that you don't know how He feels about you."  Needless to say, I walked out that night a crying, snotty mess. I thought, 'What kind of man sits with a girl he has never had a conversation with, for 30 minutes, to tell her over and over how beautiful and valued she is?' He had no alternative motives. He wasn't hitting on me. He was listening to the Lord and obeying. As I fell asleep that night I said to Jesus, 'Please keep telling me until I believe You.'

Now during the orientation retreat this weekend, in addition to playing some totally weird and awesome 'get to know you' games, we spent a lot of time in worship and time with our discipleship groups. Multiple times this weekend, while getting prayed for, people said that the Lord was saying He thinks I'm beautiful. I'm worth it. He would do it again all for me. After awhile, I would just start laughing as they prayed it over me. The Lord was telling me, over and over, what He thought of me. He is so kind!

Also, since starting Elevate, two different people have approached me and said the Lord had given them Song of Songs, chapter 2, verses 10-13 for me:

My lover spoke and said to me, arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come away with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms it early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come my darling; my beautiful one, come away with me.

This makes me smile, ear to ear.