London

Arriving at Heathrow airport/shopping mall was like a punch in the gut. A concentrated dose of everything I am about to leave behind, it took me by surprise with its cleanliness, efficiency and countless cosmetic counters. The other thing that took me by surprise was my reaction to watching M.A.C. employees give make-up lessons and makeovers:

"That should be me." "I'm nuts for leaving all this behind."
"I'm good at what I do. I should stay and concentrate on building my portfolio."

For a brief moment, I looked around with envy at the twenty somethings grabbing perfume samples and wished I could stay. The beauty industry was my scene and I felt a definite amount of pride telling people I was a make-up artist. Then I remembered what it was actually like to be a part of it: exhausting. It's a game that never ends. Trends change and there is always something new. It's impossible to keep up with and there is always someone to compete with.
I'm still passionate about this industry, but how I involve myself in it is changing. Instead of using my skills and talents to build myself up and gain the praise of my peers, I'm asking God to show me how He wants me to use the talent He gave me. Answers await me, and in the mean time I plan to find a way to turn that red African dirt into the perfect rouge.

Serve Project Training: Day 6

"Wonder is an emotion comparable to surprise that people feel when perceiving something very rare or unexpected..."

I had less than 10 weeks. I knew less than 70 people to reach out to. I had to raise almost $20,000. To myself, most of my friends and some members of my family, this seemed impossible. 6 days ago, though, I showed up at my church with 98 lbs worth of luggage and high expectations. If God had worked miracles in my life to get my here, what does He have for me in Uganda? Time will tell. For now I am camped out in Clifton, Texas for training.

The miracles I referred to consist of, but are not limited to, the following:

• I called the mother of a close friend to tell her about my trip and ask her to pray about supporting me. I chickened out on the second part and awkwardly ended the conversation after asking if she new places to get long skirts. She later wrote me and said when I called she had just finished telling a friend she was going to start praying about what missionaries to support. Her and her husband will be supporting me monthly.
• I went home (to IL) for 4 days and planned on doing a presentation about my trip at my church while I was there. What that actually looked like was me sharing my testimony for 30 minutes and Mama Wasion saving the day by grabbing the mic and reminding people I was going to need money to get to Africa. I left with close to $700 and then accumulated thousands of dollars and many supporters in the weeks following from people who were there that night.
• A family friend (who is a realtor) wrote me and shared this story: He knew I needed to have 80% of my support by August 19. He told God that if one of his homes closed on that date he would give me 10% of his profit for my trip. "You must be pretty special to God and He must have big plans for you in Uganda, because one of my houses just sold.." He sent me that message on (you guessed it) August 19. Rumor has it that the house closed over a month early!
• It became common for me to see names I didn't recognize while looking at a summary of money donated to my account. I have many people who I have never even met supporting me!

I haven't had a camera in over a year and I had struggled all summer with how I was going to get one. Any extra money I had was going toward shots, luggage and stamps. Right before I left for training my coworkers presented me with their goodbye gift: my new Nikon. I sure hope they understand that crying is one of the many awkward ways I say thank you.

In a nutshell

God made.
Adam bit.
Noah arked.
Abraham split.
Joseph ruled.
Jacob fooled.
Bush talked.
Moses balked.
Pharoah plagued.
People walked.
Sea divided.
Tablets guided.
Promise landed.
Saul freaked.
David peeked.
Prophets warned.
Jesus born.
God walked.
Love talked.
Anger crucified.
Hope died.
Love rose.
Spirit flamed.
Word spread.
God remained.

ELEVATE: Completed!

10 months and 2 journals have flown by, and I find myself an Elevate alumni. The discipleship training school was a spiritual crock pot of sorts. It wasn't until I was done that I realized I had changed. Everything seemed so subtle and slow, and then BAM! I find myself a more secure, loving follower of Jesus who will be moving to Africa in the fall.

Say what??

"If you love me, show it by doing what I've told you." (John14:15, msg)

"God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:19,20 msg)

SERVE:Project is an internship that will allow me to do the two things I desire most right now: love God and obey God. My team and I will spend 10 months in Uganda sharing the Gospel, discipleing believers of Jesus and starting house churches.

Let's put this whole situation on the list of things I never thought I would do. Actually, let's take a look at one of the lists I had created for myself in the past...

Things I was OK with before October 2009:

• Doing beer bongs before youth group
• Smoking joints on the way to school
• Walking out of math class because I was bored
• Shoplifting gum, and then jewelry, and then fur coats
• Leaving church early to watch my friend get high for the first time

Since then, I've changed the title to 'Things I Am Not OK Doing' and have added 'eating meat', 'watching True Blood' and 'kicking my little brother in the groin.'

Like, I said...I've changed.

ELEVATE: Day 44

I walked into Elevate last night thinking it was going to be business as usual. I could not have been more wrong. There was a definite 'buzz' in the room, and a few people were visibly giddy when they talked about who was going to be speaking that night. It was Chris Gore, the co-director of the healing ministry at Bethel church in California. I still didn't understand what the big deal was until he introduced a man on his team and follwed it with, 'This man has been raised from the dead, and has since raised three other people from the dead.' I wasn't sure whether to laugh, clap, or just sit there and stare the former corpse sitting 3 rows behind me. I probably did all the above.

10 minutes into Chris's teaching, I had chucked my notebook and pen. There was no way to take notes and keep up with this man. In addition to his glorious New Zealand accent, Chris had the ability to make me double over with laughter and then start weeping all within 60 seconds. He was a treat to listen to and to watch. His passion was contagious. Although Chris did share amazing testimonies of people being healed, his main objective was to remind us that Jesus has commissioned all believers to experience the supernatural. Jesus wasn't tortured and nailed to a cross so we could 'do church'. And He didn't die so we could say 'Oh, I love you. Thank you for dieing for me!' He died because he loves me, not so I could love Him. I need to walk out in victory and love, not strive for those things. Chris has seen thousands of miracles, but he made it a point not to turn it into the Chris Gore show. He constantly said, 'It's not me doing any of this. I can't heal people. I hang out with someone who can: the Holy Spirit.'

As Chris neared the end of his teaching, my heart defiantly started beating faster. I knew what was going to happen. It was time for impartation. Before Chris prayed for us, he said: 'Some of you are going to feel things. You might fall down, start laughing or shaking. Some of you will not feel a thing. It doesn't matter what happens here, it's what you do with it when you leave that I care about. Some of you who fall down and roll around laughing will walk out of here and never pray for someone else, and that's a waste of my time. Some of you who feel nothing will turn around and out of faith pray for the sick and realize there's power in your hands.'

 As Chris got closer to me, I became conscious of my prayer. I didn't want to ask for shaking or laughing. I didn't want to ask to fall down. Those are just physical manifestations. While they are probably a great thing to experience, I wanted something more. I asked for a deeper revelation of His love for me. Chris approached me, prayed, and then moved on. I hadn't felt anything. I wasn't on the floor. None of my appendages were shaking uncontrollably. Disappointing? At first, yes. Then other people from Chris's team started approaching me to pray, and every single one of them prayed for me to experience more of Gods love. One lady even said, 'God wants you to know He would do it all again just for you. He would've sent His son just for you.'  I remembered the first week of Elevate, when Shoan had prayed for me and said the same words: He would do it all again just for me. She hugged me and I stayed there for what seemed like hours. I never opened me eyes, and I had no idea who this lady was. But as I laid my head on her chest and wept, it didn't matter. I had asked for a deeper revelation of His love, and He was doing it. 

While my classmates rattled and rolled around me, I rested in my Fathers arms. I laid my head on His chest and He whispered, 'You're my favorite. You're Daddy's little girl.'

The Things I Never Thought

I never (ever) thought I would be living in the 'south'. I thought Texans chewed on straw, traveled by horseback or pickup truck, and consumed copious amount of meat at every meal. I was pretty much right. Life does move a little slower, but not as painstakingly as I had anticipated.

I never thought I would live with anyone again until I had married them or given birth to them. Considering my track record (make a friend, make them an enemy),  I am surprised that after living in Waco for 11 months, I am still friends with everyone I have lived with. Once I realized that being moody and sassy were not something people typically look for in a roommate, I asked Jesus to help me change. I'm pretty sure he did, but I'll ask my roommates later just to be sure.

I never thought I would be an early riser, but this morning my alarm started annoying me at 6:20. I stumbled downstairs for coffee (again, kind of weird) and then came back to my room to start worshiping. I can remember all the times growing up when I would wake up during the night and go to our kitchen for a glass of water, only to find my mom perched on 'her side' of the couch, with a cup of coffee and her journal and bible. Looking back I realize it was probably more early morning than middle of the night, but either way I thought she belonged in a crazy house. Who gets up before lunch? Crazy people, that's who.

I never thought my life would be so full. I feel like it's overflowing, or at least to the brim. Then I talk to someone else in elevate who does all the things I do, plus has children. Listening to them talk about what they do every day makes my brain seizure. 'That will never be me',  I think to myself.

Never.

ELEVATE: Day 7

This weekend was the Elevate orientation retreat, and it was incredible.  First, though, I'd like to back up to Thursday..

The last hour of class we spent in worship, and I was having a really hard time focusing. I basically sat crossed legged on the ground with my eyes closed, waiting for 10:00 to roll around. After the last song ended, I stood up to leave. Shoan, the Elevate director, tapped me on the shoulder and told me he had a word from the Lord for me. He then asked me to sit back on the ground, exactly as I had been sitting before. When I did, he sat directly across from me, crossed legged, and scooted himself all the way up to me until our knees were touching. Now, this is only minutes after worship ended, so there are still 40 people walking around the room, gathering their things to leave. I wasn't creeped out, so much as I was a little embarrassed. He apologized for how awkward this was, but said this is what God had told him to do. Shoan said that while I was sitting on the ground during worship, he had seen a picture of the Lord sitting directly in front of me, looking right at my face. Then he said the Lord wanted to tell me I was beautiful, valuable and worthy. It didn't mean a whole lot at first until I remembered that during my quiet time that morning I had asked God to tell me what he thought of me. I hadn't heard anything, and so I told God I would keep asking him until I heard. Once I remembered this, I started crying. I continued crying for almost thirty minutes as Shoan sat across from me, telling me things the Lord was saying about me. I was beautiful, stunning. I made His heart skip a beat. He liked to be around me, to watch me. He was pursuing me, romancing me. It was pure. It wasn't dirty or tainted, the way the world loves and pursues people. I didn't need to strive, didn't need to perform or do anything special. I was worth it. He would have done it all again just for me. Over and over and over, for 30 minutes. When there was a few moments of silence, I asked 'Is it bad that I don't believe it?'  Shoan smiled and said "No, it just makes Jesus sad that you don't know how He feels about you."  Needless to say, I walked out that night a crying, snotty mess. I thought, 'What kind of man sits with a girl he has never had a conversation with, for 30 minutes, to tell her over and over how beautiful and valued she is?' He had no alternative motives. He wasn't hitting on me. He was listening to the Lord and obeying. As I fell asleep that night I said to Jesus, 'Please keep telling me until I believe You.'

Now during the orientation retreat this weekend, in addition to playing some totally weird and awesome 'get to know you' games, we spent a lot of time in worship and time with our discipleship groups. Multiple times this weekend, while getting prayed for, people said that the Lord was saying He thinks I'm beautiful. I'm worth it. He would do it again all for me. After awhile, I would just start laughing as they prayed it over me. The Lord was telling me, over and over, what He thought of me. He is so kind!

Also, since starting Elevate, two different people have approached me and said the Lord had given them Song of Songs, chapter 2, verses 10-13 for me:

My lover spoke and said to me, arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come away with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms it early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come my darling; my beautiful one, come away with me.

This makes me smile, ear to ear.